Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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