It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
