He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
