We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
