Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
