i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
