Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
