my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
