I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
