dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
