are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize