just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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