Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
