i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
