i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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