i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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