So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
