This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
