I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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