it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
