white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
