At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
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I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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