youre lurking in front of me
no you cant smoke seaweed
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
