i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
