Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
