TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
