Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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