so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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