i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
