Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
