I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
