What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i was born a porn star she said
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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