Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
