3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
