every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Randomize
