how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
