We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
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As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
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There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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