so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
