I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
