my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Quick, to the slutcave!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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