My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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