i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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