you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
