Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
