I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
