I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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