I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
