found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
