i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
