if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
