It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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