So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
