guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
