I have demons in me.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
