I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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