i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
