I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
