cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
it hurts more in the daytime
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
