I feel great
I just peed on a car
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
