You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
