ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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