Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
