She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize