she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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