he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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