She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize