Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
