I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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