today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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