So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize