i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
