at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Little spoons don't ask big questions
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
