I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
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good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
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I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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