white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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