he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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