I never want to see another naked old woman again.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
