I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I love you.
Bad choice
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