Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
