i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
