i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
